My HiME by V12
by megarockman78
Summary: You know how ShizNat gets so much love from the fandom?  You ever wonder how the rest of the cast feels about it?  Parody of D12's "My Band", rated for language and suggestive themes.


_Hello, everyone. I do encourage you to rap along with the music _IF you're not in school or work or some other place where singing possibly obscene lyrics out loud would be frowned upon (I will not be held responsible if you get into trouble)._  
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_Obviously, OOC warning (come on, they're RAPPING!). And language.  
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_4/30/11  
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><p>(*<em>A bunch of the Mai-HiME cast approaches a door marked "Natsuki Kuga", blocked by a bodyguard<em>*)**  
>Mai:<strong> Hey, what's up, big man? We just need to holler at our girl real fast.  
><strong>Bodyguard:<strong> No, not right now, sorry. She's trying to unwind. Told me to let no one in.  
><strong>Akane: <strong>What?  
>(<em>*Shizuru walks by carrying a large bottle, gives the bodyguard a kiss on the cheek<em>, _and then walks in*_)  
><strong>Nao: <strong>Damn...  
><strong>Haruka: <strong>Is that potion?  
><strong>Yukino:<strong>"Lotion", Haruka-chan  
><strong>Bodyguard:<strong> Yo, Kugs! Fangirls out here.  
><strong>Natsuki <strong>(_from beyond the door_): Just tell them I'm busy!

...  
><strong><br>V12  
>My HiME<strong>  
><strong>Searrs RecordsFD Albums**

...

(_*Natsuki and Shizuru walk out onto the stage*_)_  
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**N:** I dunno, Shizuru...  
>I think everyone's all jealous and shit, cause, like, we're the most popular couple, dude...<br>**S:** Well, if everyone's got a fucking problem with that...  
>They'll need to take it up with us after the series...<br>Because...

[_chorus_]

**N&S:** These chicks that write and post fics for Mai-HiME  
>They plaster fan sites with our love everyday<br>Cause once we bunk they know that we're a great lay  
>All because we're the best pair in Mai-HiME<p>

[_Verse 1: Natsuki/Shizuru_]

**N: **So I get to school, right, off my bike  
>Walk up to these fangirls and I'm all like<br>"'Sup, ladies, you might've heard of me  
>I'm the cool one that they call Natsuki."<br>And they're like "Oh my God it's her!  
>"It's the Ice Princess!" "Really?" "Yeah, for sure!"<br>"Oh my God you're so cute when you sleep with Shizuru!"  
>"Please, Kuga, please let us join in too!"<br>**S: **Ara, ara, it seems that our fans can be kinky  
><strong>N&amp;S:<strong> Especially when it comes to stuff on the Web that you can read  
><strong>N: <strong>You got any idea in that brain of yours  
>How many fan stories out there have you "cleaning my pores"?<br>**S: **Ara, ara, Natsuki, I'd think you'd know better  
>I've read those fics, every last one down to the letter<br>They cheer me up when I feel under the weather  
>Look, here's one where I touch you with a goose feather<br>Yesterday Haruka tried to give me a headbutt  
>Cause I said without us this show would've been cut<br>Being the best, we got it all made  
>The others just be drinking Hatorade, because<p>

[_chorus_]

**N&S: **These chicks that write and post fics for Mai-HiME  
>They plaster fan sites with our love everyday<br>Cause once we bunk they know that we're a great lay  
>All because we're the best pair in Mai-HiME<p>

HiME (x9)

(_Haruka tries to wrestle a mic away from Shizuru and fails_)

[_Verse 2: Haruka/Yukino_ ]  
><strong>H: <strong>You just want to see me flail around now, don't you  
>Yukino, how come we don't get the spotlight<br>I'm the one who gets shit done around here  
>But she gets the glory and we get the leftovers<br>Way too many fans follow her around like drones  
><strong>Y: <strong>But wait Haruka-chan, that's not true in Rome  
>Italians hate her for what she did that night<br>At least, if the TV Tropes website is right  
><strong>H:<strong> Really? _Mi amigos, gracias _all to you!  
><strong>Y:<strong> Though I do admit she had a point or two  
>Just for cowardice, I didn't deserve to vanish<br>And, Haruka, you just thanked them in Spanish

[_Verse 3: Chie/Aoi_]

**C: **Man, look at them cuddling and thinking they're the shit  
><strong>A: <strong>Yeah, I know, man, getting more love than the Mick  
><strong>C: <strong>I don't get it, why does everyone think they're hot?  
>(<em>Shizuru:<em> Because neither of you have what I got)  
><strong>C: <strong>You gonna be late to lit class  
><strong>A: <strong>Man, I ain't going to lit class  
><strong>C: <strong>Cause Miss Romeo's out there  
><strong>A: <strong>And everyone just wants her ass  
>You know what, man, I'm saying something<br>**C: **Hey yo Kugs!  
>(<em>Natsuki<em>: You got something to say?)  
><strong>A: <strong>Man, no  
><strong>C: <strong>Thought you was about to bring her down ya coward  
><strong>A: <strong>I'll tell her when you ain't in my ear like a mallard  
>And aren't you the one who supposed to take the lead?<em><br>_**C:** Trust me, Aoi, it's better if you do the deed

[_chorus_]

**N&S:** These chicks that write and post fics for Mai-HiME  
>They plaster fan sites with our love everyday<br>Cause once we bunk they know that we're a great lay  
>All because we're the best pair in Mai-HiME<p>

[_Verse 4:_ _Akane/Kazuya_]

**K:** They say that those two rock and the rest of us don't  
>We just wall decs for the porno they make from us<br>They just wanna hear those bitches in bed moan  
><strong>A:<strong> Even more than I wanna see that robot rust (*_clanging sound*_)  
>Ready to snap on a dumbass fan<br>Every time I hear (_Nu-uh, you guys are bland_)  
><strong>K: <strong>Like it's our fault the writers killed us off  
>We coulda been bigger than David Hasselhoff<br>**A:** Only way I can make it is by being lezzie myself  
>(<em>Natsuki:<em> Hey, I saved your ass!) Bitch save your own pelt  
>If he didn't have a liz, we'd have made it in this biz<br>(_Who the fuck are you? Where's Kuga and Shiz?)_

[_Verse 5: Nao/Mai_]

**N:** Goddammit, I'm sick of this crap  
>I should just go solo and tour across the map<br>I tire of those two hogging all the damn glory  
>For every fic I get, ShizNat gets forty<br>**M: **Button up, Nao, you got no place to whine  
>Whose name is in the title? Yeah, that's right, IT'S MINE!<br>**N: **Fuck the fangirls, I got a suggestion  
>Fuck ShizNat, give us some attention<br>**M: **Like my life post-series, or her tragic past  
>(<em>But what about ShizNat?<em>) **N:** Bitch, would you like a cast?  
><strong>M: <strong>Anyway, I'm the sexiest girl in the lot  
>Big ol' melons, you guys think I'm hot<br>**N: **You told me to drink milk to get loaded  
>Drank three gallons and just pissed in the toilet<br>**M: **Fuck this shit, I'm outta this 'verse  
>I'm gonna go study up Oyashiro's curse<p>

[_Natsuki/Shizuru_]  
>Girl why cant you see you're the only one for me<br>And it just tears my ass apart to know that you don't call my name...

(_Mai:_ Man, fuck this! *_Mai and Nao punch out Natsuki and Shizuru, respectively*_)

**M&N:** These chicks that write and post fics for Mai-HiME (ha ha)  
>They plaster fan sites with our love everyday (fuck ShizNat)<br>Cause once we bunk they know that we're a great lay  
>All because we're the best pair in Mai-HiME<p>

(*_Everybody starts breaking down laughing_*)

HiME (x6)  
>Tate<br>Mikoto  
>Loves me<p>

_[Outro]_

The hottest Amazon squad in the world...  
>V12!<p>

_[Natsuki as a salsa singer]_

We're the best pair of Mai-HiME and we make all the fangirls get on both their knees  
>And the best pair of Mai-HiME, our love life<br>Make all the pretty girls want to squee, our love life  
>Look out for our next project, it's called Our Love Life<br>Our love life, love life, love life, love life, our love life  
>Our love life makes all the pretty girls want to squee<br>And get them on both their knees  
>Our love life makes all the pretty girls want to squee<br>And get them on both their knees, our love life  
>(<em>Where'd everybody go?<em>)

(*_Natsuki looks around to see the place empty*_)

**Shizuru**: Ara, Natsuki, you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. (*_smiles seductively*_)

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><p><em>Hope that was enjoyable for you. Before you start flaming me for being a hater, I don't have a problem with ShizNat itself. This (like the actual song) was made with the intention of fun for everyone.<br>_


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